“A leader must have real skin in the game…sharing vulnerability, what others would hide, the connection that is forged by these gestures provides far more safety than any risk avoidance can guarantee.”
Ryan Holiday
One of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my leadership career was call an afternoon meeting to let the team know that one of our long-time and beloved teammates had died. This was devastating news. I was emotional during this meeting as probably anyone grieving the loss of a colleague would have been.
Does showing emotion to your team diminish your ability to lead effectively?
Some mistakenly believe that showing emotion in front of your team will diminish your ability to lead.
I have learned there is nothing further from the truth. Repressing your emotions as a leader can do some long term damage.
“There’s no crying in baseball!”
The 1992 movie A League of Their Own chronicles the path of the first all female baseball team. One of the players gets frustrated and begins to cry. Tom Hanks’ character famously states, “There’s no crying in baseball!”.
I think that’s a refrain that is engrained into many of us, “There’s no crying in leadership!”
Emotions are a very basic human response that we all share. It makes us, well, human. When others see someone crying, angry or laughing it often evokes a tug of a similar emotion in them.
The core of leadership is connecting with your team.
If as a leader you function as some type of authoritarian robot without any genuine emotion, you will never build connection with your team and likewise your team will not connect with you.
Emotions are Powerful
Like all powers this can be harnessed to use for good or evil. Strong emotion should never be used to manipulate your team.
Anger is often a “me” emotion, you want the team to know how upset “I am”. Having a temper tantrum as a leader is a “me moment” that drives fear into the heart of the team. Any compliance that occurs out of fear, is not sustainable or healthy.
Crying is a visceral emotion and can be used in an unhealthy manner to manipulate a team or can be a very powerful connecting emotion to build a strong team. Tears can be used to manipulate.
We all know people who cry at everything. They could choke up telling a group of people about the weather. When we are subject to these tears it does little to impact us.
The opposite is someone who cries when they want or need something. I think of these folks like advanced toddlers. When they want something they turn on the tears.
As a leader be genuine, but judicious with your emotions. Teams can sniff out a fake in a second.
Emotions Build Connection
All emotions are connection tools. That is why we often share them together. We laugh together, we cry together, we get angry together. To expect a leader to not show basic human emotion is laughable.
The best way for a leader to build connection and relatability is the appropriate use of emotions.
Whatever letters are after your name does not change the fact that you have the same basic DNA as everyone else on your team.
Be Vulnerable
Your team long to see leaders that are human.
Like Ryan Holiday says, “sharing vulnerability provides far more safety than any risk avoidance”. You want a deep connection with your team, and show emotion.
The core component of empathy is being able to feel what others are feeling. If as a leader you wall off your emotions, you instantly cripple your ability to empathize. I think this is far more detrimental than letting your team know you are human.
Cry, laugh, get mad.
We are all human.