Mary Frances Winters
“Most people mean well. Always first assume positive intent.”
Perceived intentions are a powerful force. For better or worse, the story we tell ourselves shapes our perception of individuals actions.
I encountered a couple situations lately where assumptions were made without all the facts.
Negative intent was implied.
People immediately got defensive and any productive conversation stagnates.
Why are we so quick to assume negative intent?
What happened to the benefit of the doubt?
Oh Snap…
Snap judgements have become an epidemic in our society. So much so that Merriam-Webster even added it to the dictionary. The definition: a hasty decision or opinion.
We live in a connected culture. The slightest misstep can suddenly find its way onto social media. Once viral it can often ruin lives.
We live in a society programmed to tell ourselves full stories based on 280 characters or 15 seconds of video.
Our culture has been conditioned to make assumptions off limited information.
Negative Intent in the Workplace
Many companies claim to have a “just” culture. This refers to a model of sharing accountability. Fault is attributed to systems in place instead of individuals.
I believe that assuming negative intent is often a reflection on the culture of a workplace. Employees in a just culture would quickly assume that the individual was trying to do the right thing, but the system got in the way.
My experience is that people place fault on the individual as a way to shift blame and take the focus off a system problem.
Why?
Often it takes effort to fix a system problem. It is easy to blame an individual.
Negative Intent at home.
Assuming negative intent doesn’t necessarily stop at work.
How often do we do this in relationships?
How often do we do this with our children?
From a relationship perspective it is easy to assume that when your partner makes a mistake they did it intentionally. That’s when our emotions flair.
Recently I went out to mow the yard. I found a rather important piece of the lawnmower laying on the floor of the shed. The last person who used the lawnmower was my wife.
Naturally, I became upset and immediately ask her why she broke the lawnmower?
What did I forget?
She cut the grass for me as a surprise when I was having an extremely busy week.
See what happened?
I assumed negative intent (she meant to break the lawnmower), which overshadowed her positive intent of mowing the lawn for me.
I got angry
It was all downhill from there.
Also, I will probably have the mow the yard the rest of my married life.
People are mostly good.
We need to re-frame how we see people. We need to get past the mindset that the world is out to get us.
90% of people out there want to do the right thing.
When people screw up at work, they were probably trying to do the right thing, treat them that way?
When your partner or kids screw up they were probably trying to the right thing, respect that.
Follow Patterns
I did say people are “mostly good”. There are those folks who like to make your life miserable, but that’s an entirely different blog post.
Look for patterns.
If one person is continually causing issues, then address that differently.
For the majority of people, you encounter in life, assume they are trying to do the right thing.
Try It.
For one week just try to give everyone you meet the benefit of the doubt. It is amazing to see how this impacts your stress level.
You are not always concocting negative stories about people , you are replacing those with positive thoughts.
You are not driving yourself crazy.
You are not gossiping with other members of your team about how awful a department is.
You actually appreciate that your wife cut the grass for you.
Always assume positive intent.