“Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never receive.”
Shawne Duperon
Recently I was down a YouTube rabbit hole and came across videos showing children discovering their shadows. Their reactions ranged from excitement, “I have a new friend”, to sheer terror, “who is this person and why won’t they stop following me!?!?”. Despite their best efforts, the children could never escape the shadow.
As adults we realize that a shadow is a function of physics, our bodies blocking light. I hope most of us have realized that we are stuck with our shadow. We better just make nice with it and live happily together.
However, there may be other things that cast long shadows in our lives. Shadows we can get rid of, allowing more light in our lives.
They Did What?
The fact that we are all human, means that at some point in our lives we are going to be offended. Some of this will be legitimate, “They did what?!?” type of moments. You are going to have some real issues with how people treat you and rightfully so.
Others may be perceived wrongs, the other party may have no idea they offended you.
Regardless of how it occurs, we hang on to the wrong that was done to us. A shadow has been cast into our lives.
Cancel Culture
The problem with our current cancel culture is that forgiveness has become marginalized. Society wants justice. We prioritize the penalty over the apology.
The “eye for an eye mentality” is pervasive. Well intended people did some dumb things, often 10-15 years before anyone even knew it was a dumb thing to do.
However, sincere apologies go unheard. Forgiveness never happens
More shadows.
The Long Shadow
The rules of physics show that the closer an object is to the light source the larger the shadow will be, the further away it moves the smaller the shadow will be.
This is emotional trauma in a nutshell.
If someone did something wrong to you, last week, last month or 20 years ago, that event is still casting a shadow on your life.
We were born to be bright lights.
Unfortunately as life moves on the more shadows we collect, the more our light dims.
Shine a Light
We hold onto what people did to us as a badge of honor, “they should apologize to me”. Unfortunately that apology may never come.
We block our own light, by holding on.
Have you ever been part of an apology?
I mean a sincere apology. Not the kind like when your parents made you apologize to your sibling. The words “I’m sorry” came through gritted teeth and a forced hug at the end.
No, I’m talking about a heartfelt, tearful, hug inducing apology, where one party meant it and the other party wholeheartedly accepted it.
When this happens you can almost feel the light enter the room, everything becomes brighter, everyone becomes lighter.
The shadow recedes from the light.
One-Way Street
It’s great when both parties come together. However, like I said earlier, we are all human. Sometimes, you will never get an apology, the other person may think they did no wrong. They may not even realize the impact of their actions.
What do you do then?
Forgive them anyway.
Like the quote says, “….accept the apology you will never receive”
Presumptuous? Maybe.
Life changing? Definitely.
You will never get an apology for every wrong that was done to you, but you will hold onto and ruminate on every wrong that was done to you.
Long shadows creep in.
You need to start proactively forgiving folks that have wronged you. Even if you never will see them again, even if they are no longer walking this earth.
Forgive.
Your Homework
I’ve written a lot of blogs and not assigned any homework so I’ll ask for forgiveness out the gate.
The assignment is simple.
Reclaim some of your light.
Forgive someone that has done you wrong. Accept an apology you never expect to receive.
Feel the weight lift from your shoulders, watch your light get a little brighter.
Get out from under the long shadow, your light is too bright.
